On Fitting In

IMG_2292_FotorOn this day 5 years ago, I made a blog post about how much I’d love to move to Hong Kong. And at the time, I most sincerely meant it. I still think I’d like to move to Hong Kong but that desire stands out less and less. I love Hong Kong. It’s the city everyone who ever could should visit at least once in their lifetime. But the reasons I once held for wanting to move away from Barbados and settle here are no longer valid. A lot can change in 5 years. There’s so much self-exploration and self-development that can happen, if you allow it. I like change. I’m one to embrace it.

Five years ago, I had the need to fit in that I have lived with all my life. Well, all my life until a few years ago.

Five years ago, I was still trying to make myself believe that it was okay not to fit in…and while it was in development at the time, finding somewhere that I did fit in made me comfortable. Somewhere along the way, I became completely okay with not fitting in. I like fitting out.

I’m someone who, while of mixed race, looks almost completely Chinese growing up in a country where the >90% of the population is of African descent. People stare, some throw out disgusting cat calls like “ching chong chang!!” My mistake was letting that make me dislike who I was and what I looked like…I let those emotions eat me up inside.

I can’t remember exactly when I finally managed to let that all go. I think it was around the time my goals became dreams which nestled and secured themselves in my mind. My goals were different from all those around me in medical school. I wanted to pursue something different, unique. I wanted to carve my own path. My goals became my dreams when I found exactly what I wanted to do and gained a passion to achieve something much greater than myself.

There’s a confidence and a beauty to be had by being different. There’s a uniqueness to be desired and played with. Who does not wish to be their own person? Create their own path?

I am but one person in a world of over 7 billion. In a sense, I already fit in because I’m human just like you. But now? Now, I want to stand out. quote-Rumer-Willis-i-definitely-understand-not-entirely-fitting-in-215296_Fotor

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