By law of nature, nobody is perfect. We all have flaws and there’s nothing wrong with aiming for perfection as long as we remember that perfection can never be attained. It makes sense to have the desire to learn and improve your flaw, whatever they may be. I think that makes up part of the fun of life…learning about ourselves. I’ve been doing it for years now, focussing on myself and trying to be a better me in any way I can. But my greatest flaw is my biggest weakness.
I completely lack self-discipline. Honestly, I can’t keep up with something for more than a few weeks…a few months if I’m really determined. My determination to keep up a routine or regimen or anything that requires some amount of discipline is always short-lived and I don’t understand why. Take this blog, for example. My posts are very irregular and I do wish to post more often than I do. In fact, oftentimes I have stuff to share but just, for some reason, never get to it. This post too! I’ve been meaning to type this since yesterday and I’m finally doing it because the thought came back to me again and again, “you didn’t do it last time so at least make this post.” Or something like that.
There are many, more major, things that require self-discipline in my life. From maintaining an exercise routine to stay fit to maintaining the organisation of certain things to studying. All of those things are equally important in my life but, at the moment, I would say that my lack of studying is my most daunting problem, especially in my fourth year of medical school. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it this far. I feel unknowledgeable and that needs to change, desperately.
One would think, start small and work your way up. But if I can’t even take my daily supplements as I should twice a day and not once or even make regular blog posts as I want to, then how do I tackle the bigger fishies? For some reason, if I think I want to do something, I can never find the motivation or determination to actually get up and do it. Instead I let myself get caught up in a world where time just passes me and by the end of the unproductive day, I can’t say that I know what I’ve done. It’s ridiculous really.
Regardless, I’ll continue working on improving myself. I hope you do too!